“Shame. It’s the thing that people would say about you in a room full of other people that would devastate you and prevent you from wanting to face them.”
– Dr. Brene Brown
Do you consider yourself a sensitive person when it comes to hearing constructive feedback? How about any type of feedback?
No worries, you’re not alone. To the world, I give off a thick skin facade but all my close friends will tell you, I have tendencies to be extremely sensitive when it comes to getting caught up in what other people think of me.
Over the years, I used this tendency to my advantage through practicing mindfulness. As a holistic practitioner and an energy healer, this comes with a lot of critical judgment and vulnerability.
3 Ways to Stay Resilient in the Face of Judgment
Even though energy healing is making its way more and more on to the mainstream media, from Newsweek to Vanity Fair, many still consider holistic healing to be very “woo-woo” or too “out there”. So trust me, I know a thing a two about critics, be it opinions from family members, friends or strangers.
It is increasingly important that we know whom we should listen to as there are many critics who provide their opinions and pass judgment without speaking from a lot of experience. Sometimes it’s helpful to hear feedback, even if it can be downright hurtful. It all depends on how you use it to grow. Other times, it can be better to just let the feedback slide.
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In a recent presentation on courage, Dr. Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate School of Social Work, addressed some actions we can take to become more resilient.
Seventy percent of resiliency is all about avoiding the emotional hijacking of whatever situation you are in. So the next time you’re faced with a setback, increase your resiliency with these three best practices from Dr. Brene Brown.
Recognize when you are hooked by emotion. When in the midst of a situation surrounded by judgments, try to get curious about it. Emotions usually always drive difficult events. The brain loves storytelling because it reduces ambiguity, and the brain will reward you neurochemically for this, whether or not the story you generated is actually true.
SFD (Shotty First Draft): Learn to keep your thinking mind in check in the midst of challenging circumstances. When the mind begins to generate a story about something that just happened, Dr. Brene Brown refers to it as the “Shotty First Draft.” Write it down to externalize it. Get it out of your limbic system and onto a piece of paper. “If you’re mortified by what you’ve written down, you’re being honest,” Dr. Brene Brown said.
Use “The story I’m making up about what I heard you say…” response as a check in when you feel triggered. This helps prevent you from entering a worse emotional state. It allows you to practice being vulnerable with others because you risk sharing what you just made up and provide others with an opportunity to let you know if you’re right or wrong.