DEAR CLASSY CAREER GIRL: “Any ideas on how to navigate the changes in co-worker friendships when you move into a supervisory role? “Friend” tends to create the connotation that I will protect you from reprimands when you err badly or even from termination, which I just can’t do. I had to terminate an employee and he literally thought that because we were friends that he was safe. It’s really difficult to retain friendships when you are someones boss. Do you just stop trying to have those friendships or only have friendships with those on the same level or higher than you? -SUPERVISOR WHO WANTS TO BE LIKED
DEAR SUPERVISOR: Congrats on your promotion! My advice is to keep your relationship as normal as possible. If you change how you treat someone, they will think that you are too important for them now that you are their supervisor. If he/she is a true friend, they will be happy for you and will not try to take advantage of this situation. Your friend was completely wrong to think that because you were friends with him, he would be protected.
It is very important to be as close friends as possible with your employees while at work and at work events. You must get involved in your employees lives and learn about their kids, husbands, parents and hobbies. Trust me, if you work for a boss and they don’t try to become friends with you, you will quickly start searching for someone else to work for. If you are friends, you will be approachable and you will find out sooner about issues and concerns because they know they can trust you. They will also work harder for you and help you manage the team because they like you.
For the time being, I would focus on the benefits of being friends with those you supervise. You already know them and hopefully you know that you can count on them. If you can’t count on them, you need to have a conversation with them and let them know that you need to take your new job very seriously and just because you are friends, they need to work just as hard as the next person.
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Having been in this position before, I'd say I agree with most of this advice. However, I do not think it is necessarily true that it is "very important to be as close friends as possible" with your staff, and certainly not true that "you must get involved in your employees lives". This sounds a little invasive! Not all employees want their bosses to know much about their lives, and I think it would be much to worse to be a nosy boss than a slightly impresonal one. It's great if friendships between bosses and staff develop organincally, if both parties are the type of people who are willing and comfortable to have that kind of relationships. But not everyone is, and you need to be careful not to come across as nosy, or desperate to be liked. You don't want to be like Michael Scott of the Office, always convinced that your staff are your best friends. It can come across as pathetic. Aim to gain respect, not just friendship.
Amanda-Thanks so much for the comment. I definitely agree that you don't want to be invasive and it is very different in each person's work environment. Personally, I like it when my boss expresses interest in what is going on in my life such as how school is going, etc. But, I think there is definitely a fine line that a boss shouldn't cross. Michael Scott of the Office is definitely NOT the boss you want to be.
Love your thoughts and hope to hear more in the future!!